Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize