Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
