You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize