this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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