if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
