Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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