a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
