you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
