i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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