I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
