I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
