Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
