Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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