hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
