I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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