Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
be right there i have to get my cape
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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