i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
