when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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