Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
