Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
