Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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