I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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