He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
