his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize