we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
