i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
