the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
should my penis look like a turkey
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
