I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
this is an emotional support booty call
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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