We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I supernannyed him into submission
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
