Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
