i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
