I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
