Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
