i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
