So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
