I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
