You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
