I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize