so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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