Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
