this beer tastes like vomit already
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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