Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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