I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
