I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
