3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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