next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
