My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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