Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
