I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
