It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
