I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
