fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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