Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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