woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
