My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
