If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
