i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
