After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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